Our Smart Baby

Motherhood: Survival of the Fittest or Sisterhood

In a land affectionately known as, Before I Had
Children, I was a great mom. I knew I was going to
have my children potty trained by 18 months, they
would never watch TV, and using a pacifier would not
be an option. When in doubt our children would cry
themselves to sleep because holding and rocking them
would spoil them. They would learn to consol
themselves.

I suppose while I was busy judging and assuming I
never saw a toddler hand someone his/her poopy
underwear with a trail of messy wipes and poop smashed
into the carpet. I didn’t realize the wave of panic
and heartache that washes over parents while a
helpless 3 week old infant screams in their arms from
2 AM to 4 AM. Suddenly, that forbidden pacifier looks
really good and the desperate husband is sent out in
15 degrees to the nearest, open 24 hour supermarket.

But you know what is even more disconcerting? It is
the phase of judgment put on a new mother’s already
frazzled world by the, I’m doing it better than you
mom. I’m sure you’ve met her at parties and if you’re
a mom, you’ve definitely heard from her. Instead of
suggesting or sharing ways to discipline, the I’m
doing it better than you mom simply tells you that you
are wrong. That if you do or do not spank your child
he or she will grow up to be an aimless, penniless
drifter with no regard for authority. Or at local
playgroups, there is the constant comparison and shame
put on the mother whose child is not exactly where
he/she should be developmentally. If the mother of the
developmentally behind child follows specific
direction and parents like them, the child will be
fixed. As if mothers didn’t already carry around
enough guilt and ridiculously high standards for
themselves, they now have a group to fan the flame.

Since when did motherhood become the survival of the
fittest? Have we drifted so far from the idea of
sisterhood and community that we no longer just
embrace each other’s families?

Honestly, I have camped on both sides of the fence. My
experiences have taught me that each family is
different. What works for others may not work for you
and vice versa. When asked my opinion or sharing, I’m
now more consciously aware of how I’m speaking to
another mother. We should be working together, as a
sisterhood, to help find our unique gifts and the
beauty in being moms. I’d like to build up my fellow
mother’s self esteem while celebrating and learning
from our mistakes, rather than tearing each other
down. Will you join me?

Karen Preston
http://notsoordinarymom.blogspot.com/