Here’s a little list of reasons why we do not spank our kids. It is not all-inclusive by any means. There are so many positive ways to discipline that it just makes no sense to me why someone would choose to hit their kids instead of teaching them and guiding them through the rough patches! Some food for thought.
1. We love our boys! 2. How can you hit someone and yet teach them that hitting is wrong? You can’t! A violent act is never the way to solve a problem. 3. We want our children to listen to us because they *respect* us, not because they are *scared* of us. 4. It has actually been shown in several studies that spanking is not an effective tool for discipline. 5. Spanking a child on their bottom can actually cause spinal injuries. 6. Spanking causes feeling of anger and resentment. Not how we want our kids to feel about us! 7. I think the only time spanking would take place would be when the “spanker” was angry with the “spankee”. Not cool. 8. Spanking and hitting a child makes them feel awful about themselves. Like they are not worthy of your love and guidance because they were “bad” and that made you hurt them. 9. Spanking is a form of control. It does not teach a child how to correct/change what the bad behavior was. That is the whole point of discipline! To teach the child how to do things. 10. Most people in prison were spanked or beaten by their parents. That, in and of itself, should show what spanking does for someone.
When my youngest son was about 2 months old, many people kept asking me if I always left him in a swing and bouncer. It was pretty insulting to me. The reason they kept asking was because the back of his head was very flat. It was like that until he was about four months old but I know he is not the only baby that ever had this. One of the reasons a baby’s head is so flat is because most of us put our babies on their backs to sleep. This is to reduce the risk of SIDS. All this time spent like that can flatten your baby’s skull. I started to research this because I was really getting irritated with people. Several studies have shown that giving your newborn tummy time-putting your baby on his stomach several times a day- can prevent this from happening to your baby’s head. Tummy time can also help your baby strengthen his neck muscles and learn head rotation, and helps them establish the way they move when they are on their tummies.
“Most newborns will be able to tolerate very little tummy time, but as long as you help them support their head, they should be fine,” says Dr. Graham, of Cedar Medical Center in LA. He also suggests putting your infant on their tummy as early as possible four times a day, five minutes at a time. This should be a routine for the first months of your infant’s life until they learn to crawl on their own.
My youngest son has been in a Graco Comfort Sport since he was about 2 weeks old. I really do love this seat. There are really only two things I do not like: the lever to release the harness straps is hard to get to when rear facing and the rear facing weight limit is only 30 lbs. I just ordered a new seat for both boys and I will fully review them once they get here.
I am one of those people that spends hours researching car seats and consulting my friend the Certified Car Seat Safety Tech before even considering a purchase. We chose the Comfort Sport (high end version, NOT the $80 one) because the Britax Marathon was out of our price range at the time. The Comfort Sport was our second choice.
One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to car seats is when the straps twist. You can actually, honestly see smoke coming from my ears. And a sailor would blush to hear the rather creative things I say to the seat. Well, the strap on the Graco never twisted up. Not once. And they have those really cool neck protectors so that the straps don’t irritate babe’s neck. Bonus!
The cup holders and snack tray that attach to the sides are fantastic for an older child. My 3 year old had a Graco Platinum Cargo and he loooved his cup holders! Granted he used the snack tray to hold toys, but the boy thought it was great. Can’t argue with that.
The Comfort Sport also has fantastic padding. It’s really a cushy seat, which is great for long car rides. It comes equipped with the EPS foam, too. Major bonus. For $139 plus free shipping, you cannot go wrong with this seat. It’s great for infants and toddlers. So many convertible seats just don’t work with little ones. Not the case here. *thumbs up*
Screamed my potty training toddler as he peed from the toilet all the way into the sink.
My instinct was to yell or scream, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” but my mouth couldn't move as I just watched in disbelief, which momentarily turned into laughter from us both. Why is it that in such moments the camera is completely inaccessible?
In the days preceding this sink peeing event, potty training made me want to pull out my hair. At two and a half my son saw the brand new underwear with various loved characters, shouted for joy, and thanked me for getting them for him. I thought, “Well, this is easy!” But in the days that followed my son never once made it to the toilet without peeing all over himself first and could care less if he stood in a pile of urine; as long as he still had his toys, he wasn’t moving.
He considered pooping a game by finding the darkest, smallest corner of the house to poop in and stay hidden till I found him by following the scent trail. One day he decided to be helpful by cleaning his poopy underwear in the toilet and using the entire box of wipes, which as you may have guessed, clogged up the toilet. It was then I decided to put back on the pull-ups and give him more time.
On one magical day after turning three, he decided to wear his big boy underwear. I told him he would receive m&m’s if he peed on the potty and he in turn asked me if he could have a Popsicle for pooping. We literally shook hands and our deal was set.
Each day since has posed new challenges, misses, and mistakes but I have learned three important truths of potty training along my journey. First, your child will be ready when he is ready. The harder you push when he is not ready, you run the risk of him resisting even harder. Second, make the experience positive. Never degrade or scold your child for an accident or making a mess in the bathroom, that’s what household cleaning supplies were made for. Lastly, laugh. Laugh together, laugh with your spouse, and laugh when you feel all alone in the journey. If you laugh, all of the tension of the sometimes-frustrating experience will dissolve and give you as well as your child an entirely new perspective.
Now, if only peeing from the toilet into the sink was a collegiate sport, we wouldn’t need to worry about saving for college tuition!
As little girls we dream of the dashing, valiant knight slaying the dragon, sweeping us off our feet, and riding into the sunset. For some marriages, happily ever after does not last and eventually breaks apart. Often before the actual separation there is a whirlwind of fights, harsh words exchanged, slammed doors, and endless tears shed. When babies and toddlers are in the house, most parents try to hide the fighting and flaming emotions from their children. As honorable as the attempt is, the reality is that the children may not only feel the pain of the adults but have heard and seen it as well. Dr. M. Gary Neuman wrote about helping the children of divorced families in his book, “Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way.” He states, “A baby, however, simply cannot yet conceive of himself as “I”, and so, for now, his self-image is a reflection of the feelings, words, and actions of those around him. A baby feels loved because we make him feel loved; he feels secure because we make him feel secure.” Dr. Neuman explains six practical ways to help ones child cope with and transition through the divorce of her parents. First, is for the child to have frequent and consistent communication with the non-custodial parent. This can be heart wrenching and confusing for the adults, but one has to remember that reminding your child, no matter how young, that both parents are still an active part of her life is vital. Second, when with your child try to remain calm and relaxed. It is hard for babies and toddlers to decipher human behavior, and your stress, will cause them stress. If you are breaking down, which you will and/or are, then you need to ask for help from friends or family to take a break. Third, maintain the routines you had before your spouse left. This will help your child not feel like the whole world is coming undone and she will maintain a sense of normalcy in her day. Forth, work with your ex spouse to duplicate, as reasonably as you can, your child’s personal space. When traveling to and from homes, have your child pack her favorite toys and comfort items. Fifth, be prepared for and flexible towards changes in your child’s eating, behavioral, and sleeping patterns. Try not to let these changes add more stress to your life, simply embrace them and wait them out. If over time these changes intensify or do not go back to normal, it is recommended to notify your family physician, as the changes may not be related to your family situation. Finally, be prepared to pour out and shower your little one with love. During this hectic and heartbreaking time, there is no amount of love that is too much to give your child. Remember to have tickle fights, play peek-a-boo, make silly faces, and snuggle at bedtime. She needs to know and feel that even though there has been a huge change, she is still loved. Karen Preston
Remember the other day when I mentioned that we use natural consequences in our parenting? Well, here are the details:
Rewards and punishments just do not work for us. I will never tell my son that I am going to take away a toy or book if he doesn’t do “fill in the blank”. I find that totally disrespectful of him and it doesn’t teach him anything but resentment and anger. No thank you! Using natural consequences teaches him what will happen naturally… in the real world. An example would be that if it’s cold outside but he doesn’t want to wear his coat I’ll let him. He will get cold and realize that he needs to put his coat on! I feel that I need to say that you only use the natural consequence if it will not cause your child any harm. That’s where logical consequences come into play.
Logical consequences are those that you put into play because of what your child did. Example: my son lets go of my hand and is getting ready to run into the parking lot. Logical consequence I impose on him is that he now has to ride in the buggy to the car. Another example would be that we’re at home playing in the front yard. My son’s ball goes out into the road and he goes to follow it. He’s not paying any attention to the fact that there is a car coming. I call to him to stop him as I am running in his direction just in case. He now has to stay inside for the rest of the afternoon. Logical consequence. Makes sense, right?
This isn’t the easiest parenting style by far. It takes a lot of planning and thinking about what the natural consequence would be and what a fair logical consequence would be. But it is truly a learning experience for your kids, not just a punishment that makes them feel belittled and resentful.
Tickle U is the newest morning cartoon show for Preschoolers. They have a cute & fun lineup of cartoons that is intended to make preschoolers laugh, increase their self confidence, and help them to be smarter preschoolers. At the bottom of the screen they give parenting tips for Preschoolers and show how their cartoon affects preschoolers. I really enjoy Tickle U and we have watched it for the last 2 days! I think it is a great, fun, and humorous way to start your preschoolers day! It comes on Cartoon Network from 9am-11am Eastern Standard Time ( may be different in your area). It is aimed specifically at Preschoolers and my preschooler really enjoys the fun educational cartoons! I hope you will tune in too! You can also let your preschooler go to the Tickle U website for fun and games! They even have a timer for parents to set to control how long their child plays games!
If your child falls in one of the following groups, take caution. The American SIDS Institute says that if your baby falls in any of these groups, they have a higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome by as much as 5-10 times.
1. Infants born weighing less than 3.5 lbs
2. Has a sibling who has died from SIDS
3. Has been exposed to drugs during pregnancy
4. The second or following children of a teenage mother
5. Infants who have been in an apparent life threatening event.
One of the most important things you can do if you already have an infant is always put your baby to sleep on its back. Babies that sleep on their stomachs or even their sides have a higher risk of SIDS. There are many things you can buy now to keep your baby on its back. Always use a firm mattress. There is a lot of controversy on co-sleeping, but if you must, make sure that the mattress has been approved for infant safety. Never place other items such as toys, pillows, or thick blankets where your baby is sleeping. Any of these things can cause your baby to suffocate. You should also make sure to dress your baby in light clothing. Thick clothing can make your child overheat. Also, make sure the temperature in the room is comfortable.
Do you know someone who smokes? Never let anyone smoke around your infant. The more exposure to tobacco smoke, the higher the risk of SIDS. Along the same lines, do not let your baby get around anyone who is sick. SIDS can occur with a mild repertory infection or gastrointestinal infection.
Follow these simple guidelines and you can prevent some of the major factors that higher the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Remember, SIDS cannot be completely prevented, but lowering the risk can change a tragic future.
In a land affectionately known as, Before I Had Children, I was a great mom. I knew I was going to have my children potty trained by 18 months, they would never watch TV, and using a pacifier would not be an option. When in doubt our children would cry themselves to sleep because holding and rocking them would spoil them. They would learn to consol themselves.
I suppose while I was busy judging and assuming I never saw a toddler hand someone his/her poopy underwear with a trail of messy wipes and poop smashed into the carpet. I didn’t realize the wave of panic and heartache that washes over parents while a helpless 3 week old infant screams in their arms from 2 AM to 4 AM. Suddenly, that forbidden pacifier looks really good and the desperate husband is sent out in 15 degrees to the nearest, open 24 hour supermarket.
But you know what is even more disconcerting? It is the phase of judgment put on a new mother’s already frazzled world by the, I’m doing it better than you mom. I’m sure you’ve met her at parties and if you’re a mom, you’ve definitely heard from her. Instead of suggesting or sharing ways to discipline, the I’m doing it better than you mom simply tells you that you are wrong. That if you do or do not spank your child he or she will grow up to be an aimless, penniless drifter with no regard for authority. Or at local playgroups, there is the constant comparison and shame put on the mother whose child is not exactly where he/she should be developmentally. If the mother of the developmentally behind child follows specific direction and parents like them, the child will be fixed. As if mothers didn’t already carry around enough guilt and ridiculously high standards for themselves, they now have a group to fan the flame.
Since when did motherhood become the survival of the fittest? Have we drifted so far from the idea of sisterhood and community that we no longer just embrace each other’s families?
Honestly, I have camped on both sides of the fence. My experiences have taught me that each family is different. What works for others may not work for you and vice versa. When asked my opinion or sharing, I’m now more consciously aware of how I’m speaking to another mother. We should be working together, as a sisterhood, to help find our unique gifts and the beauty in being moms. I’d like to build up my fellow mother’s self esteem while celebrating and learning from our mistakes, rather than tearing each other down. Will you join me?
On Tuesday we talked about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and what it was. Today we will discuss some of the things you can do to lower the risk. As I said before, it is still not known what the exact cause of SIDS is, but these recommendations can help in lowering the risk.
The risk of SIDS is highest for babies of teenage mothers. Be careful when getting pregnant in your teenage years. The rate of SIDS decreases the older you are having a baby. Not only that, but for every baby a teenager has, the baby has a higher risk of dying of SIDS.
It is best to get medical care within the first three months of your pregnancy. Make sure to attend all appointments your doctor recommends. This will help in making sure you stay healthy. Do not smoke, use cocaine, or any other harmful drugs during pregnancy. Not eating right, using drugs, or not taking care of yourself during this time can make you at risk for having a premature birth, a major risk factor for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Also remember, the shorter the time between pregnancies, the higher the risk rate of SIDS. The American SIDS Institute recommends that you wait at least one year after giving birth of a child before becoming pregnant again.
Come back tomorrow to see what things can be done to prevent SIDS after your baby is born. By : Natasha Browning
This is one of the most painful things baby goes through, if you ask me. Poor little swollen gums with this hard little white thing trying to push it’s way through. If you have gotten your wisdom teeth in, you know it’s no picnic. Think that Tylenol or Advil is the only thing you can give your babe? No way! There are over-the-counter homeopathic remedies for teething babies and there are herbs you can use to help. There are actually A LOT of over-the-counter homeopathics for kids and adults. In case you haven’t heard the term homeopathic, it’s the use of natural ingredients to cure what ails you. It is extremely effective and is totally safe…even for babies and nursing or pregnant women!! There are some great sites about homeopathy on the net… www.abchomeopathy.com, www.homeopathic.org/, www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=45 are a few.
The two over-the-counter products that we like the best are Hyland’s Teething Tablets or their gel and Nature’s Bio drops. They are fantastic! The Hyland’s tablets work better than the gel, but they are in a milk base and my boys can’t have milk. We stick with the drops now. You just place the drops or tablets under babes tongue and that’s it! You can give additional doses following the directions on the box. These can both be purchased at any health food store and even a lot of regular grocery stores!
With my boys, I would also fix them some weak chamomile tea to help them rest. My guys both get a fever when they cut teeth. I know that 99.9% of (western) medical doctors will tell you that babies don’t get a fever when they cut teeth, but every kid I know does, so take that for what it’s worth. The boys can’t sleep or rest when they have a fever, so the chamomile and wiping them down with a lukewarm damp cloth fixed them right up! There are herbs and homeopathics you can give for fever, but it’s usually not necessary for just a teething fever.
If you haven’t tried homeopathy, teething is a great time to start! By Danica Bailey
I came across a new product today to help care for baby's teeth. They are called dental wipes and these baby dental wipes help prevent baby bottle tooth decay. They look really easy and seem very convenient to use. The cost is only $2.95 for a package of them. Try some dental wipes for your baby today at Petkin.
It seems like everyone loves the Backyardigans! They are one of the newest and most sought after educational cartoons for toddlers and preschoolers right now. Last month, according to some recent research I did, Backyardigan's were searched for over 22,000 times. Wow! Since Halloween is coming up shortly the Backyardigans Halloween DVD has been advertised everywhere. My Preschooler will love the latest Backyardigans Halloween DVD, "It's Great to be a ghost". You can get a copy just about anywhere online around $12.00 +
Review: Kids Are Worth It!: Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline by Barbara Coloroso
All in all, I like this book. As always, you take what you agree with and leave the rest. I *do not* like the sleep advice. Please don’t ever lock your kids out of your room. And remember… discipline comes from the Latin word “disciplinare” which means “to teach”.
Barb, as I humbly call her in my mind, breaks parents down into 3 basic categories: Jellyfish, Brickwall, Backbone. Pretty self-explanatory. The Jellyfish parent sets no boundaries and basically does no disciplining. The Brickwall parent is the polar opposite. Their word is the law. There will be no discussions whatsoever. No is usually the first thing out of their mouth. The Backbone parent is in the middle ground. They try to be fair, but firm. To lead and teach their children that elusive “gift of inner discipline”.
This book is basically about natural consequences. This is our parenting style. Is it easy? No, not really. But, more about that later this week. Back to the book… Barb teaches that parenting with love and respect for your child is the only way to go. She advocates teaching a child *how* to think, not *what* to think. This is huge! You will learn how to help your kids take responsibility for their actions and teach them how to learn from their mistakes.
It is geared more toward parents with a little older children than mine, but the principles are still the same. You can certainly mold the basics she teaches to work with toddlers. I honestly can’t recommend this enough. Except, like I said, the sleep advice is so far off for us. There are a few things that we will do differently, but on the whole this is an excellent discipline and parenting book.
Many new moms are constantly worrying if they are putting their child at risk for SIDS, short for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. I know that with both of my children I was very paranoid. But you can never be too paranoid when it comes to a baby. We all worry about going into our baby’s bedroom at night and finding our baby not breathing. I had a little brother who passed away from SIDS when he was eight weeks old. It is a terrible tragedy and can cause a feeling of guilt for the rest of your life. It can have an effect on you and everyone you know, but it’s not anyone’s fault. Here are some important things you should know about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
What exactly is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome? The definition is as follows: SIDS is the sudden death of an infant under one year of age that remains unexplained after an autopsy examination, death investigation, and health history have been reviewed.
Even though there has been a dramatic decrease through the years, still more than 2,500 infants die from SIDS a year. There are many things that can be done to lower the risk of SIDS but there is a lot more scientific research that needs to be done and as of present time- it cannot be totally prevented.
Come back Thursday to see many ways to prevent SIDS, from before the time you get pregnant, all the way to your infant reaches their first birthday!
So many new parents, especially moms, are sleep deprived. I never had a problem with this. Why? We co-sleep! Baby wakes up hungry, all you have to do is roll over and nurse him. You don’t even have to get up! I wouldn’t trade co-sleeping with our kids for anything. What’s better than snuggling with your baby? Nothing!
Let’s talk about safety. Always make sure that your baby cannot roll off of the bed and get hurt. You can do this in a few different ways. The easiest is to just have your mattress directly on the floor. If that doesn’t work for you, make sure your bed is tight against the wall (no spaces for babe to get stuck in), sidecar a crib or get one of the many rails or bolsters they make for beds now. You want to make sure you have tight fitting sheets and no fluffy blankets or pillows on baby’s side of the bed. This can pose a suffocation threat. A firm mattress is best. You don’t want to ever co-sleep in a waterbed or a bed with a feather mattress or topper. Make sure that your head and footboards don’t have any spaces that your baby can get stuck in. As always, put your baby to sleep on his back. Nothing that’s really rocket science here.
There are a few instances where you should not co-sleep. If you have been drinking or are taking any drugs (prescription or not) that make you drowsy you should not sleep with your baby in the bed with you. You may not be as aware of him as normal. You also should not sleep with the baby in the bed with you if you smoke or are extremely overweight.
There are a ton of great books out there on the family bed and night time with your baby in general. Any book by Dr. Sears or Dr. Jay Gordon is a great investment. A good rule of thumb is to look at the author’s credentials. There are some people that are writing books who have no medical training but are passing themselves off as doctors. Just a word to the wise. ;)
If you have *any* questions about co-sleeping/family bed, please don’t hesitate to email me!
Is it hard to get your baby to sleep through the night? Well here is a new thought. Taking your baby outside or for a walk in the early afternoon may actually help her sleep at night. Researchers in the U.K. have compared babies that sleep well at night to those who don’t. They have found that babies who slept better at night at 6 weeks of age were exposed to twice as much light between noon and four pm as those who slept less well. They say that the increase in light plays a major role in the development in the area of the brain dealing with day-night rhythms.
Think about it. Darkness signifies nighttime and the time for sleep, whereas taking your baby out in the sunlight cues her to think, “It’s Daytime; Let’s wake up and be active.” So try to make time to bring your baby outside during the day to see if this helps.
My 3 year old has been using these books. He wants to learn to read, so I am going with it. S-l-o-w-l-y. He knows his phonics, so the next step for us was finding some simple books for him to start putting his knowledge of phonics into practice. I had heard such great things about the Bob Books, so off to the library we went.
The Bob Books (http://www.bobbooks.com/) come in three different levels; Levels A, B and C. We have only used the 12 Level A books. They are fantastic! They are cute, simple little stories. I will admit that when I first saw them I thought there was no way my son was going to like them. They looked almost cheap! But, I realized the illustrations are plain enough to not distract the kids from the words, yet fun enough to keep them interested.
My son loves to read about Mat, Sam, Dot and the others. He is recognizing some of the words now. Even in other books. I am very impressed with the Bob Books. In fact, we have checked the books out from the library so much that I am going to get them for him for his birthday. The Bob Books definitely get a thumbs up from our family! By Danica Bailey
When Peyton went to his one month checkup, he had cradle cap. Most babies have cradle cap at one point or another, so I wasn’t surprised at all. The doctor prescribed him Elidel, but did not realize it until I got home. That night I saw the popular commercial and it said that it should not be used for children under age two. I called the 1-800-number on the commercial and they said it was fine and that it is often prescribed for cradle cap. I used it on Peyton and it indeed cleared up the cradle cap.
A couple of months later, I read an article on the Eczema drug alert. Based on animal studies, the FDA had issued a public health advisory warning consumers of a potential cancer risk from using Elidel or Protopic. They are both approved for adults and children age 2 and up. “These drugs should be only used for short term and only after other drugs have failed,” says Diane Murphy, MD, director of the Office of Pediatric Therapeutics at the FDA. They also have advised to make sure doctors are not prescribing these medications for diaper rash or other rashes on a baby’s skin. If pregnant or breastfeeding be sure to consult your doctor if using any of these creams.
Sometimes it is a good idea to really check into what your doctor is prescribing. I even was worried but they reassured me everything is ok. If you were prescribed Elidel creme for your child, stop using immediately.
